I wonder what its like to be me?

Life seems as cold as the heart you bitches have. The only life I have has been kicked, abandoned, picked up, and thrown back down. Why am I left here crying who the fuck does this to people. Don’t people understand math CHILD YOUR SUPPOSED TO TAKE CARE OF - BALLESS FATHER THAT DIDN’T EVEN TAKE CARE OF YOU WHEN HE WAS THERE = CONFUSION , LONELINESS, DEPRESSION. To make it worse when he left he takes all your money so your left to rot wtf! I cant handle being alone… I can’t handle coming home to nothing and no one and just silence. I said good night to myself the other night. And now I am just sleeping around with all these people to fill in the holes. All these doctors appointments for my back its a wonder I haven’t overdosed or just died from starvation because the pills were so expensive that I had no money left for food… WTF am I supposed to do without YOU. :.\ They say I am screwing up by not going to school, and I say I making up for all the ignorant fools that left me to die so just try and see through my eyes no lies just as plain as day and as dark as night. Who else must I fight just to sleep at night, wtf am I supposed to do. WTF AM I SUPPOSED TO DO!

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So ya its been a long time since I wrote on here but it seems like its the only thing I have to talk to now that my dads gone, and everything else seems to be falling to shit. It will be ok but for now I don’t know why the world is treating me this way. The sad odd part was I didn’t even realize it till my fists clenched with fury and the rush of blood down my veins made me shake. I just want to be a kid for at least the amount of time your supposed to be. I feel like I am 18 going on 35 and its not right. I cried as I bashed his head against the wall….. I don’t know what to do anymore.